The Mystic told this story: Two people went up to the holy grounds to pray, a Christian nationalist and a lesbian. The first stood by himself with his hands held up to the sky and said, “Lord, I thank you that you have made me upright and holy, not like this lesbian.
“I always vote for the divinely ordained Second Amendment, and the right to murder, in self-defense of course, those who would invade our sacred homes. I vote pro-Israel and ‘for the peace of Jerusalem’ but against those lying, money-grubbing Jews. Bless the Pro-life and Pro-death-penalty. O Lord, grant our snipers accuracy. May the Lord restore the Utopia, for White and Black, that was the Antebellum South. Vouchsafe voting rights to only landed white males, as the founders intended, in thy mercy.
“Give our land victory, O Lord, against those who war for social justice, the liberal swill of empathy, and those charities perpetuating the lives of the lazy—let the sluggard feel his hunger pangs and get a job, as my dad did for me, Oh Merciful One. I feel your approval in my joy. And Lord, in the coming year, if you will cause my house to prosper, I promise to give a full three percent of my after-tax income to the Global Proselyte Holy War Crusade and the Mighty Wind Hallelujah Jamboree Choir. Such music! Bless me I feel like singing,
“I juswanoo prai-ai-ai-ai-se your name! Your name is freedom, your name is ecstasy, your name is euphoria!
“Oh Lord I want to feel your hands on my shoulders, to feel your warm breath in my ear as you whisper your love songs to me! I will be your warrior! I will slay multitudes! I will trample out the vintage! I will crush the devil and his vile servants in this world!
“I will stand against your enemies, Lord. All those liberals, socialists, rap singers and hip-hop artists, singing their rubbish that’s not even music. Hollywood movie stars, feminists, pornographers, drag queens, and degenerates like…like…this lesbian here! who hates you, Lord. She hates you because she will not submit to your will for her life. Cut off the infidels, Lord, annihilate the wicked homosexuals and transgender weirdos who flaunt their aberrant sexuality. But Lord, bless me! I gather for communal worship every week! I sing the praise songs until I’m out of breath, swaying my hands like wheat in the wind! I always hold the door open for everyone! I always drive below the speed limit when others zoom around me! I go to K-Group group meetings and sign up to bring the snack. I even volunteered in the nursery that one time, Lord. I hope you appreciated my sacrifice that day because that was awful.”
But the lesbian stood at a distance and would not even lift her eyes, saying,
“This place is such a joke. Look at that asshole over there who thinks he’s so righteous. That whole creepy praise thing with their hands raised, pissing their pants for joy—gives me the creeps. That’s your people? Give me a fucking break. If that’s what it means to be one of your people, then no thank you. You couldn’t pay me to be like that dick. Why are your people such freaks?
“But my heart is breaking because Aspen says she’s leaving me. I can’t believe it, the bitch. After I supported her? I covered the rent for two years and paid for her to get her license. Now she’s making money and doesn’t need me? After so much has happened between us? The matching tattoos, the rings, the weeks in Berlin and Cancun, Burning Man. When we first got our condo, we were so in love, I would have given everything for her, and she for me! We died for each other. We rolled in each other’s bodies, we knit our souls together, we became one other. We knew ecstasy like nobody else in the world. I literally thought I was in heaven, the feelings were so strong, like no man I was ever with.
“Then we stood in line that sultry June afternoon and walked away in a dream, united, married officially. We were so happy, we cried and hugged each other, we just kept saying ‘I love you, I love you! I love you so much!’ I never knew two people could be so happy. It’s a kind of Shakespearean tragedy being so misunderstood and despised while at the same time being so unspeakably happy.
“And now it’s coming to an end. Why? Why! Why did we ever come together if it was just going to fall apart? Why would you do that to me? Are you that cruel? Do you despise me and reject me too, like the rest of the world? All I wanted was love! Is that so bad? Aren’t you supposed to be the God of love?
“I hate this body you put me in. I hate the shitty parents you gave me. I hate this world you made. Most of all, I hate you! What! I don’t even believe in you! Why am I even here? I’m so fucking miserable! How is that possible after being so happy? These galactic extremes!
“There is no God, and if there is, I hate him or her or whatever the fuck you are, with everything in my being! But there isn’t a God, so what does it matter? Oh, Aspen, my love, why? I love you so much, don’t leave me! Let the earth receive my tears, let the birds hear my cries! Oh God it hurts! It hurts so bad! I can’t be alone. I’m on fire! I want to die! Please let me die! I hate you! I hate you so much! Please just let me die, please just let me die! Oh God help me, please help me!”
And I tell you this woman’s prayer was heard in heaven rather than the churchman’s. For the one who fills himself will be emptied, but the one who is empty shall be filled, “AND THE SMOLDERING WICK HE WILL NOT SNUFF OUT.”
